When Bella Finds Out Jacob imprinted on Renesmee
Samantha
Bella: Jacob You What?!
Jacob: I imprinted on your daughter.
Rosalie: Bella I told you we should of killed him when we had the chance.
Bella: JACOB BLACK YOUR GUNNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: Now Bella...
Bella: YOU ARE DEAD MEAT WOLF BOY!!!
Jacob: Wolf boy?
Edward: I suggest you run.
Rosalie: No Stay. I wouldn't mind a fight.
Edward: RUN YOU IDIOT!!!
Jacob: AHHHHHH!!! (Runs Out Door)
Bella: (Follows really mad)
Alice: He's screwed
Emmett: Nah just in the hospital.
Jasper: No she was pretty mad.
Emmett: YOU WOULD AGREE WITH YOUR WIFE!!!! (Runs upstairs like a drama queen)
Edward and Bella's Wedding
Samantha
Esme: Bella looks beautiful
Carlisle: Yes, Very.
Emmett: OMG CARLISLE'S HITTING ON BELLA
Rosalie: Emmett. SHUT UP!
Jasper: Esme said the same thing.
Emmett: ESME IS TOO!!!!
Alice: Emmett I really don't want to slap you at a wedding.
Emmett: Then don't
Alice: THEN DON'T ACT STUPID
Esme: Everyone shut up!
Carlisle: (Looks at Esme)
Emmett: Did you Just say shut up?
Esme: Yes I did.
Alice: since when do you say that?
Esme: Since we were at a wedding.
Emmett: Esme Shhhh we are at a wedding.
(All the Cullens look at Emmett) *Except Edward and Bella*
The Day Emmett was the last one left to watch Renesmee
Bella: Hey Alice can you watch Renesmee?
Alice: Sure! I'd love too!
Bella: Great Me and Edward are going hunting so we will be back tomarrow night. Ok?
Alice: Great!
Bella: Can you also try to get Renesmee To eat some human food.
Alice: of course.
Bella: Oh and Charlie is comming over later.
Alice: Ok.
Bella: Also Jacob is not comming at all when we are gone.
Alice: BELLA! GO I GOT THIS!!!!
Bella: Are you sure?
Alice: Yes I've watched her before.
Bella: Ok. Thanks bye.
Alice: Bye Bella.
(Bella and Edward Leave)
Alice: Ok nessie what should we *ring* *ring* Hold on. Hello.
Rosalie: Alice!!!! Your husband is dead meet me at the mall in 15 minutes.
Alice: What he do now?
Rosalie: He destroyed my closet.
Alice: What?! Rose I'm sorry but I have to watch Nessie.
Rosalie: Can't someone else do it.
Alice: Uggghhh. Ok fine I'll ask Carlisle meet you there in 15 minutes.
Rosalie: Thank you!!! Bye.
Alice: Bye. *hangs up* Ok Nessie change of plans grandpa Carlisle is guuna watch you.
Nessie: Ok.
Alice: CARLISLE!!!!
Carlisle: (Walks downstairs) Yes Alice?
Alice: Can you please watch Nessie Rosalie needs me.
Carlisle: Yes.
Alice: Thank you! Charlie is comming tonight and Jacob is not comming at all. Bella and Edward are hunting until tomarrow night.
Carlisle: Ok Alice.
Alice: Bye (Leaves)
Carlisle: So Nessie what do you want to do?
Nessie: I don't know.
Carlisle: Do you want to go outside, play a game, cook, we can....
Nessie: Can we just watch a movie?
Carlisle: Oh yes of course. Which one?
Nessie: Beauty and the Beast.
Carlisle: Ok. (Puts it on)
Nessie: Thanks Grandpa.
Carlisle: Your welcome. *Ring* *Ring* Hello
Dr. Green: Dr. Cullen there is a trama comming and I know you have the day off but the trama is huge over 60 people injured severly and 40 unknown injuries. There's not enough of us here today so could you come in?
Carlisle: Yes but it might be atleat half an hour it takes 20 minutes to get there and I need atleast 10 to find someone to watch my grandaughter.
Dr. Green: Ok thats fine the ambulances will be here in 40 minutes they are all the way out in the middle of nowhere.
Carlisle: Do you know what caused it all the way out there?
Dr. Green: It was one of thoes plane crashes.
Carlisle: Ok on my way. *hangs up* Nessie do you know where Grandma is?
Nessie: Outside I think.
Carlisle: (walks outside) Hello dear.
Esme: Hi hun (kisses him)
Carlisle: (breaks the kiss) I need you to watch Nessie.
Esme: Ok hun. Walks inside.
Carlisle: (Rushes to work)
Esme: Hi Nessie.
Nessie: *Sighs* So now your watching me?
Esme: Yes is that ok?
Nessie: Yes its just that your my third babysitter.
Esme: Third?
Nessie: Auntie Alice was supposed to watch me but Auntie Rosalie needed her. Then Grandpa was watching me but work called.
Esme: I'm sorry honey. Do you want to make something to eat?
Nessie: I don't want human food.
Esme: Well what are the rules for watching you. *laughs*
Nessie: *Touches he cheek*
Esme: Oh I see well then you have no choice to eat human food. *smiles*
Nessie: Fine.
(Esme and Nessie go to Kitchen)\
Esme: *ring* *ring*
Nessie: Babysitter number four.
Esme: Hello
Jasper: Esme I need you.
Esme: Ummm I'm watching Nessie.
Jasper: Can't someone else do it?
Esme: Everyone is busy the only person left if Emmett.
Jasper: Please Esme. What all can he do?
Esme: Destroy my house, tell Nessie things, get arrested. Shall I continue?
Jasper: It's Alice, our aniversity is tommarow and I need you to help me find something to get her. Just call Emmett if Bella and Edward get mad you can blame me.
Esme: Fine meet you at the store in 20 minutes.
Jasper: THANK YOU!!!
Esme: Bye.
Jasper: Bye.
*hangs up*
Esme: Ummmm Nessie....
Nessie: I know Uncle Emmetts upstairs.
Esme: Emmett honey come here.
Emmett: Yes Madre?
Esme: Watch Nessie.
Emmett: *Smiles* Really?!
Esme: Yes.
Emmett: Alright!
Esme: Nessie show him the rules.
Nessie: Ok.
Esme: Alright Bye. (Leaves)
Emmett: Ok lets see these "Rules" and then find a way to break them.
Nessie: *Touches his cheek*
Emmett: THATS IT!
Nessie: *Nods*
Emmett: Well thats nothing! (Picks up Nessie and Runs to Edward and Bella's cabin)
Nessie: Why are we here?
Emmett: We are going to paint you parents room.
Nessie: What color?
Emmett: Rainbow! (Claps hands)
Nessie: (Laughs)
2 hours later
Emmett: Done!
Nessie: WOW!
Emmett: Hungry?
Nessie: I guess.
Emmett: To MCDONALDS!!
Nessie: *Smiles*
Emmett: (Takes Edwards Volo) Lets go!
Nessie: Dads going to kill you.
Emmett: I KNOW!!!! *Laughs*
4 hours later
Emmett: Get ready Grandpa Charlies comming.
Nessie: Ok.
*Ding Dong*
Emmett: I'll get it!!! (opens door) Hello Charlie.
Charlie: Ummm Hi Emmett I thaught Alice was watching Nessie.
Emmett: Nope I am!
Nessie: Grandpa!!!!!!!
Charlie: Hi Honey!
Emmett: Honey I'm Home!
Charlie: Emmett I'm suprised you were left in charge of Nessie.
Emmett: Me too.
Nessie: Grandpa can we finish watching Beauty and the Beast?
Charlie: Sure.
Emmett: I'll put it on!!!
Nessie: Oh brother! *Rolls eyes*
Charlie: *Laughs*
1hr and a half later
Charlie: Emmett I'm going to put nessie upstairs in her bed then leave you sure you can handle being quiet.
Emmett: Yes
Charlie: Uhh Umm Ok (Brings Nessie Upstairs)
Emmett: By Charlie!
Charlie: Umm Bye (Leaves)
Bella: EMMETT MCARTHY CULLEN!
Edward: EMMETT!!!!!
Emmett: Hey guys what are you doing home so early
Edward: We got a worried call from Alice.
Emmett: Well what she say? *Smiles*
Bella: Oh you know what she told us.
Edward: Get Nes- I mean Renesmee and lets go home.
Bella: Ok
Emmett: (Busts out laughing) Oh boy have fun
(Edward and Bella Leave with Nessie)
(They get Home)
Edward: (Sees his Volvo) EMMETT!!!!
Bella: (Puts Nessie in Crib) (Sees hers and Edwards room) EMMETT!!!
Emmett: Ahhhhh Life is sweet.
The Almost Divorce
By Samantha
Emmett: (singing)
It's been said and doneEvery beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with best of 'em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat
Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hyptonized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are...I want you to know baby
Esme: Ummmm Emmett...
Jasper: Dude who are you singing that to?
Emmett: Ummm no one
Rosalie: God your an idiot
Emmett: WELL FINE BECAUSE I WAS SINGING IT FOR YOU!
Jasper: Do you regret marring him?
Rosalie: No.
Emmett:(Singing) You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel.
Jasper: Now?
Rosalie: Yep.
Emmett: FINE! Then I want a divorce.
Nessie: We have called this meetting to session for the divorce of Emmett and Rosalie Cullen.
Rosalie: Is this really necissary?
Emmett: Shut up you meany head I want this divorce done and over with.
Rosalie: Ok well a five year old isn't going to divorce us.
Emmett: Nessie Your five??
Nessie: Technically.
Emmett: Oh so you lied to me I bet your not even a judge.
Nessie: I'm not.
Emmett: OH YA IS THIS WHAT YOUR PARENTS ARE TEACHING YOU THAT LIYING IS GOOD BECAUSE IF THEY CAN TEACH YOU THAT THEN IF I TOLD YOU WERE BABIES COME FROM I SHOULDN'T GET YELLED AT!!!
Rosalie: Ugggghhh This is wasting my time.
Emmett: Wait but awe arn't divorced yet!
Rosalie: Do you really want to divorce this!
Emmett: No Ma'am I would like to keep that for further examination. (Smiles)
Rosalie: Thats what I thaught. Come on Nessie lets go find your parents.
Nessie:Ok!
Again!!!!
Emmett: (Sighs)
Jasper: (ignores him)
Emmett: (Sighs Louder)
Jasper: (Still ignores him)
Emmett: (Sighs even louder)
Jasper: What!?
Emmett: I nedd to talk to someone.
Jasper: Thats what wives are for.
Emmett: But she hates me.
Jasper: Then go talk to Esme or Carlisle or Alice or something.
Emmett: Ypu want me to talk to Alice! What if she starts to think I'm hotter and sexier than you cuz its not hard to do and then she hits on me and leaves you!?
Jasper: (Looks at him strangly) Seriously Emmett that won't happen.
Emmett: How do you know. Maybe she's bored of you. She's not getting any younger you know.
Jasper: She's not getting any older either.
Emmett: Like I said she's bored of you you guys never try anything new.
Jasper: (Suprised) Are we really going to talk about mine and Alice's sex life?
Emmett: (Smiles) What sex life.
Jasper: ALICE! (walks away)
Emmett: Fine leave me you hate me anyway!(Pouts)
Esme: (walks in) Emmett honey whats wrong?
Emmett: Jasper hates me and so does Rosalie.
Esme: I highly dout Rosalie hates you.
Emmett: No she does she told me to my face!
Esme: (Sits by Emmett) Well what did you do to them.
Emmett; I told Jasper that him and Alice don't have a sex life.
Esme: Ummm ok. And what about Rosalie.
Emmett: I told her I would rather die then be married to her.
Esme: Why?
Emmett: Because the Magic Banana on my Ipod said so.
Esme: Don't listen to talking bananas anymore ok?
Emmett: Ok.
Esme: Go talk to them
Emmett: ok (leaves)
~~~~Emmett and Jasper~~~~
Alice: EMMETT ME AND JASPER DO TO HAVE A SEX LIFE AND ITS A GOOD ONE!!!
Emmett: TMI!
Jasper: Told you.
Emmett: Jasper I'm sorry.
Jasper: it's ok bro I forgive you.
Emmett: Thanks.
Alice: Lets go Jasper.
Jasper: Where?
Alice: SHOPPING!!!!!
Jasper: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Emmett: (Laughs then leaves)
~~~~Emmett and Rosalie~~~~
Emmett: Rosie I'm sorry babe.
Rosalie: For what?
Emmett: For what I said eairlyer
Rosalie: OH THAT!
Ememtt: Sorry!
Rosalie: Whatever
Emmett: YAY!
Rosalie: idiot
